Joke of the Day (props to Bruce Head)

Cowboy Bob appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"A couple of minutes ago."

Joke of the Day

A SQL Injection walks into a bar, starts to #quote something but stops, drops a table, then dashes out.

(You have to be a bit of a hacker to appreciate this one. Blame Melanie, not me)

Joke of the Day

Two hunters hired a pilot to fly them into the remote bush to hunt moose. They bagged four. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot told them the plane could take only two moose. The two hunters objected strongly, stating, "Last year we shot four moose, and the pilot let us put them all on board, and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all four were loaded. Unfortunately, even at full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and crashed a few minutes after takeoff.

Climbing out of the wreck, Hunter #1 asked, "Any idea where we are?"

Hunter #2 replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Joke of the Day

Customer: Waitress! This coffee tastes like mud!

Waitress: Of course it does, sir. It's fresh ground!


<rimshot>

Joke of the Day

Q. What do you call a pirate who falls asleep at weird times throughout the day?
A. a NARRRcoleptic.

Joke of the Day

Ole lived across river from Clarence who he didn't like at all. All the time they would yell at each other across the river.  Ole would yell to Clarence, "If I had a vay to cross dis river, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yah sure ya betcha by golly!" 

This went on for years. Finally the state built a bridge across the river right there by their houses.

Ole's wife, Lena, said, "Now is you chance, Ole! Vhy don't you go over dere and beat up dat Clarence like you said you vould?"

Ole replied, "OK, by yimmy I tink I vill do yust dat!" As Ole approached the bridge he saw a sign on the bridge which he stopped to read. Abruptly he turned around and went back home.

Lena asked, "vhy did you come back and not beat up dat Clarence like you said you vould?"

Ole said, "Lena, I tink I change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence, you know, dey put a sign on da bridge dat says "Clarence is 13 ft. 6 in." You know, he don't look near dat big vhen I yell at him from across da river!"

Joke of the Day

Q: To what did the winemaker credit his success? 

A: His sur lie attitude.

Joke of the Day

Men are like good wine. They start out as grapes and women stomp on them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.